The Ugly-side of Beauty

A recently circulating blog post argues not everyone is beautiful and that trying to repurpose the word beautiful to include inner-beauty (some kind of 'niceness') just results in confusion and reinforces the primacy of physical beauty above all else (particularly w.r.t women) which the cosmetic industry can exploit.If you read the comments of the most there is significant backlash from other people who still want to expand the meaning of the word beautiful to be all inclusive.

However the problem is that there is no other word that can take over the original meaning of just physical attractiveness. So beautiful will at best have a double meaning as evident by the variants: inner-beauty and outer-beauty. The reason this is a problem is that there is a relatively consistent standard of physical beauty within a given culture at any particular time. People who don't fit that standard in general know they don't fit the standard, they know they are not what is generally meant by beautiful. So inspirational messages telling them that 'everyone is beautiful' fall flat as soon as they stop to think about it. By saying 'everyone is beautiful' you are actually invalidating their experience of being an average looking or unattractive person. No they are not beautiful, they didn't have a flock of boys drooling over them in highschool, they will never be hired as a secretary just because they look good at a desk; and its unlikely they will have much of a career on TV unless they are a comedian. But that does not mean they aren't valuable, worthwhile people.

For instance, lets take for example Brienne of Tarth from Game of Thrones.

She is frequently referred to as physically unattractive or ugly. Jamie Lannister initially teases her about it on their long trek through the woods. He eventually comes to appreciate her loyalty and skill with a sword; and even risks his life to save her by jumping into a bear pit. But he does not call her beautiful. Similarly it is clear when people complement her appearance at the Purple wedding it makes her uncomfortable because she knows it is white lies. Jamie does pay her the greatest compliment ever, though, by giving her his Valaryian steel sword and a set of armour fit for a knight.

Brienne prides herself in her skill and ability as a knight (even though she technically isn't one). She does not derive her self-worth from her beauty, be it inner or outer. So compliments on her physical appearance fail to make her feel good about herself. In fact they are counter productive because it reinforces the message that she should measure her value based on her beauty and that her knightliness is meaningless.


On a similar vein a recent advertisement points out how seemingly harmless well meaning comments, such as "Who's my pretty girl", reinforce gender roles which teach girls and women they should care about their appearance and shouldn't care about science or engineering.

Basing female empowerment messages in terminology associated with physical beauty reinforces that physical beauty is the most important characteristic for women to possess. Regardless of whether that is what the speaker intends to convey or not. Using phrases like "everyone is beautiful" as an inspirational message presupposes that everyone should want to be beautiful. But why should we? Why shouldn't more of us be like Brienne who couldn't give a toss whether people think they are beautiful or not?